davidstrider:

djbro:

bro strider

part time porn star

full time man

part time asshole full time fuck you

you update your goddamn blog but cant even stop by the house

i hope you fuck a bitch so nasty your dick mottles and turns green gray and who cares if your fucking penis is the only thing keeping swords in the fridge and food on the table i dont i hope it falls off you bastard ill starve and die a happy man if your dick falls off

should i give you some breathing time before i actually come home or are you just going to punch me right in the face the minute i open the door

both of those options are ok in my book

whats the problem man

bro strider

part time porn star

full time man

to anybody who is out there and doubts the fact that im a man

its officially my job

that and the porn industry

jonathanegbert replied to your post: shit i should just date myself for valentines day

with flowers and everything?

flowers and a fuck ton of chocolates

a lame romcom to watch

im not really painting a good picture of myself here

shit i should just date myself for valentines day

jonathanegbert:

djbro replied to your post: i wish i had a dollar for every post i made that…

do you want me to fling some doritos your way

sure! i can practice catching stuff with my mouth too because i never really caught the hang of that trick. 

what if you put a blindfold on and make it all official

we can charge people cash to watch the magic happen

that way we can buy more doritos too

im a fucking genius

davidstrider:

djbro replied to your post:

did you know i can buy shit too

you dont understand

i need sweet bubbly caffeine spilling into my throat right the fuck now

i think theres some in the mini fridge

go quench your mighty thirst asshat

davidstrider:

stop embarrassing me in front of the internet

nah

now where did i put those pictures

(Source: djbro)